Two weeks before our intended departure date, and I can’t sleep.  After all the years of preparation, I’m anxious that I won’t have time or the space to stuff our boat with all the things I think we may need, or really want to have on board.

Intellectually I appreciate that no one leaves with everything good to go, satisfied that everything is ready.  That’s why we signed up with the Baja Ha-ha; to have a hard date for departing.  At the same time, the most dangerous thing for a ocean-going cruiser is a schedule.  Weather should be the primary factor in deciding when to go, not a group who decided this departure date a year ago.  Hurricane Odile recently hit Cabo very hard.  The marina may not be ready for 125 boats.  Then again, maybe this is the excuse I need to take a couple more weeks to get things settled up for the longer journey, the five year plan.  Maybe we’ll leave Ventura as stated, but stay in San Diego for a bit longer, skip the Ha-ha.  But maybe, if I continue to work 12 hour days, with Leslie’s and my uncle’s help, I can get the boat ready enough to leave with the Ha-ha group.

Yesterday was the first time in six months that I cut my hair.  I didn’t have the desire to take time away from working on the boat, but my cousin offered to cut it for me Sunday evening, so I took her up on the offer.  Here we made all this sacrifice to be with the kids, and I have had less free time with the boys than when I was working my career.  It’s crazy.  I’ve postponed so much of my life over the past decade, and now, I feel as if I’m postponing life more than ever, that I’m missing important moments with Bryce and Trent.  Crazy, isn’t it?   I should be excited to be leaving in two weeks, but instead I find that my focus is even more intense.  I got to get this boat ready and our land life boxed up.

The Ha-ha is also to be on opportunity for us to meet other kid boats.  So far, although we’ve elected to share our contact info with other kid boats, no one has reached out.  Last year, we saw maybe one or two other kid boats at the send off party.  Maybe there aren’t so many to make much of a difference.

I know the sailing and the traveling and the adventure will be great for the family and for me in the end.  I have to know it.  We’ve put so much of our family’s resources of time and money into this venture, I have to believe it.  Boy, am I anxious.  I keep reaching out to have faith that this will be as great as I’ve envisioned.  I have not experienced full relief, or the feeling of satisfaction derived from a sense of completion for so long.  I hope I feel it within a couple months. I can’t remember when I have felt it.  This is not fun.

Now I have to try and sleep so can be effective today.  I have a lot to do, as usual.